With all this talk about how to win back the love and affection of your lost lover, there is an even longer list of what not to do. Some of the things on that list ring familiar from the strategic roster of stuff you should do, but the difference resides in context and approach. Seduction is all about subtlety, and let’s call this what it is: a long-shot exercise in seduction. For your edification, then, if not your protection, here are the top ten things you should never do in your effort to get your lover back.
#10 – don’t tell him how much you’ve changed. First of all, it’s probably only been a few hours, or if you’re patient, a few days. It’s okay to tell him or her, preferably in writing, what you intend to work on, but it’s always best to demonstrate that you’ve changed instead. And that takes time.
#9 – avoid overt sympathy ploys. Don’t sit in your car in the parking lot of his condo like a shadowy figure from a Bogart movie. It’ll only deepen the hole you’re already in, if not begin the shoveling process.
#8 – we highly discourage stalking as a way to remain in the game. Following your lover on their first post-you date is a one-way ticket to the internet to find your next relationship.
#7 – don’t call all of your ex-lover’s friends and relatives, especially what would have been your future mother-in-law. It should not come as news that they will be on the other team, and anything you say to them will certainly be held against you in a court of vicious gossip.
#6 – it may be hard to resist this one, but if you don’t you get more in return than the loss of any hope whatsoever of reconciliation: avoid revenge ploys. Obscene words written on his windshield with your lipstick and surprising him or her with foreign substances stuffed into their morning newspaper will only send him to church to thank the Lord he dumped you.
#5 – definitely do not go to bed with this best friend (see #6 above). Even as part of your ploy to appear dangerous and aloof. The only danger here will be to your self-image, and word travels fast.
#4 – try to avoid giving his things back to him… broken (also see #6 above).
#3 – never attempt to intervene in his next relationship. Don’t offer to meet the new you – the person who took your place – for coffee, saying you’re only trying to help. Don’t run into them at what will never be coincidental times and places. This is a deal killer. Stay as far away from the competition as possible.
#2 – no flowers. Ever. This goes for either gender, especially men. If you give the woman who has just dumped you flowers outside of the context of a concerted and strategic effort, the responding degree of evil coldness will haunt you until your dying day.
And the #1 thing you should not do to reconcile with your ex-lover… is give up. There’s always a chance. Try everything short of the complete loss of your dignity. As long as you remain sincere and avoid game-playing – with the possible exception of the moving on ploy and the let’s be friends ploy, they get a free pass here – you can trust that you’ll do more good than harm moving forward. Just be as smart as you are seductive, and know that in the end, if it doesn’t work, it’s his or loss anyhow.