Let’s give it up for forgiveness, perhaps the most underrated and underutilized magic pill in the history of the universe. You know all those ads for diets that promise to deliver, after everything you’ve tried, the one thing that will really, really work? Or those get rich in real estate or network marketing or online business infomercials that promise to deliver the secret to wealth and happiness, with no money down? Five words describe the overwhelming universal response to such claims: too good to be true.
But here’s one that is true – a one-time, money back guaranteed, never-seen-anything-like-it-before offer: Forgive the lover who tossed you under the bus. And ask that lover to forgive you. If you can do this, if you will do this, every possibility you ever dreamed about in this relationship will open up for you. Who knows, you might even get him or her back.
Forgiveness is very much like an apology, they are two sides of the same coin. Both are prerequisites to the possibility that the relationship might be salvaged, and that you can actually win him or her back. And yet, neither can be offered with this as the sole agenda. Both are pure and beautiful things, and you give them for reasons outside of what you want from your departed lover, you give them because you feel them, because they are so right and valid and necessary. Regardless of what happens.
An amazing thing happens when you manage to do this, to forgive your lover and yourself. When the offer of forgiveness is pure and truly isolated from your agenda of reconciliation, then and only then can that door open. Forgiveness is a power that dissembles resentment and rekindles trust. Forgiveness is an expression of love that is humbling to the recipient in a way that forces them to recognize their own true feelings, independent of the emotional energy that fueled the breakup.
Just as important is the empowerment that comes from forgiving yourself. Your only shot at winning back your relationship is to approach it from a position of humble strength, not one of self-loathing and shame. And the best way to get strong again is to let go of your shame and resentment. This is done by forgiving yourself for whatever it is you’ve done, or for what you feel in this moment of pain in your life.
Forgiveness is powerful expression of true love. If that is what you feel you are losing as your lover departs from your life, then there is no better way to convey it than by forgiving the both of you for whatever it was that has led you to this dark place. The power of it just might get him or her to pause long enough to turn back and look at you differently. What they see when they do is your only hope of winning him or her back.